Being the Chef has its Rewards

Thanksgiving.  This strange and factually incorrect holiday of eating and football brings mixed emotions to my home each year.  My family loves spending time together, or I should say my wife does.  I am somewhat of a self-proclaimed scrooge around the holidays.  The comforts of my own home, TV, games and food have always appealed to me; however each year I give in to the desires of my family and we visit relatives near and far. 

 The past couple of years I have attempted to increase my peppiness during holidays by overshadowing the obnoxious elements of the thanksgiving with things I enjoy.  For instance, for years I have grown weary of meaningless small talk among distant relatives I only see once a year.  People ask you what you are doing, where you live and say things like, “we should get together,” but there is no desire to do so.  In the end, you leave tired, full and sometimes with a headache.  I have found that if make myself a cooking assignment for the day; I tend to delay such conversations, at least until after dinner is served.  This could give one 4 to 24 hours delay.  The conversations are inevitable, but can be postponed (if you’re lucky) until near the time you leave.  

One suggestion, is to offer to cook the turkey; yes you heard me correctly, the turkey.   The huge responsibility in cooking this awkward fowl can not only help you avoid all the awkwardness and craziness of the “holiday of thanks”, it can make you the hero of the day.  The women in the family will stand impressed and comment on your amazing craftiness, the men will stand in awe and ask you how you did it.  A perfectly cooked turkey will be talked about for years.  People will remark, “Remember last year when you cooked that turkey?”  Eventually it will be expected, “BenJoe is cooking the turkey this year.”  For those of you considering this same tactic here are some tips.  Each one I have learned by trial and error.

1. Thaw the turkey ahead of time.  Do not wait until the day of to thaw that blasted bird.  IT IS HUGE!  If you must thaw it in four hours time. COLD WATER (NOT HOT) and the fridge are your best allies in this emergency. Hot water can cause food born bacteria to form.  So avoid the hot water.  You may get lucky.  I usually thaw mine two days before!  I stick it in five gallons of cold water, in a cooler then stick it in the garage (this will make sense with the next step). Thawing is a must!  

2. BRINE!  If you have never heard of brining, you are not alone.  The first time I brined a turkey, I almost laughed at it.  Brining adds flavor and SUPER JUICINESS to your turkey. DO IT!  I didn’t even follow the instructions completely the firs t time and the turkey still turned out AMAZING! Here is how I brine:

    a. Remember that cooler, well put about five gallons of water in the cooler.  

   b. Put in four cups of Kosher salt (table will work fine).  
   c. ½ cup of brown sugar
   d. 1 Tablespoon of Garlic Powder
   e. 1 Tablespoon of Rosemary
   f. 1 Tablespoon of Coriander Seeds
   g. 5 Bay Leaves
   h. 1 Thawed Turkey
   i. Leave it in the cold water, in the cooler, in the garage, for about 8-10 hours.  Rotate it half way through.  Do not let it sit for 24 hours.
   j. Rinse out the turkey and start cooking.
   
   
3. Garlic!  I use garlic two ways. 

   a. First I take a big whole piece or bunch of garlic.  Peal it, leave all the cloves stuck together.  Then slice the whole thing in half.  Shove that sucker inside the turkey. Both halves.  Then fill it with your stuffing or vegetables of choice.  This will roast the garlic inside the turkey giving it a great flavor.

   b. Garlic butter.  Roast some freshly pressed garlic in a sauce pan with a stick of butter or margarine.  Add other seasonings to taste.  Pour into a bowl and stick it in the freezer.  Once it is hardened, slice the butter into little slices.  Cut the skin of the turkey back just a little bit and slide peaces all over the turkey.  The butter will melt right into the meat.
   
   
4. DO NOT TRUST THE POP-UP TURKEY TIMER.  That thing is not a thermometer.  It is glue that is designed to melt at a 185 Degrees.  But when the glue melts, the rest of the bird will be 200 degrees, hence over cooked and dry.  Use a meat thermometer.  Check it regularly.  When it hits 185, regardless of the turkey timer has popped, get that bird out.

5. Perfectly Carve the Turkey.  If everything else has not made you king, this will.  Alton Brown does the best job; so I follow his recipe for carving before everyone else’s.  Every time I have done this people have said, “WOW! You carve like an expert chef.” See the video here: http://www.foodnetwork.com/videos/how-to-carve-a-turkey/27752.html

Well there you have it, how to make your thanksgiving more meaningful and fun.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my family and I enjoy being with them, they are really not bad at all.  I love my wife’s family and mine, but from where I sit—being the chef has it is rewards.

Happy Thanksgiving South Ogden.